Monday, May 17, 2010

Those demanding expectations

Your mother and father were not the only sources of input into your parenting persona. Since first you served a dollies’ tea party or watched a family situation comedy on television, the whole cultural apparatus of the society you inhabit has been shaping your expectations about your performance as a parent- as well as your expectation about your children. All these standards lay dormant within you until you had a baby of your own. Then, suddenly, they began a noisy clamor for satisfaction.

You are expected to be a wise and patient parent, ready with a smile and slow to anger. Your child may have fun faults, such us being an obnoxious bully. And naturally you expect to love your children without qualification, and to enjoy their unceasing love in return. As experience will soon are some common expectations that inspire fear in many new parents, who wonder how they or their children will ever be able to measure up:
“If I make one mistake in the way I bring up my child, I will ruin her for life.” Children are resilient. Consistent patterns of poor parenting can hurt them, but an occasional mistake does no harm.

“Having a baby should automatically ensure that my spouse and I improve our relationship.”  On the contrary, having a child frequently puts extra strain on a marriage, even a stable one.
“My friend’s baby already stands up”-or walks or talks or feeds himself-“and mine doesn’t, so my baby must be slow” Every child progress at his own speed, so comparisons is counterproductive.

As long as I am reasonable and logical in what I ask of my child, she will be compliant.” Do not count on it. Children sometimes follow their own scripts, which may not agree with yours at all.

 “If I get angry with my child, I am a bad parent.” All parents occasionally are angry with their children. The object is to try to limit the occasions for frustration and anger, and to deal with them as coolly as possible when they do arise.