The most common form of childhood
fantasy is pretend play. A child’s first attempts at pretending are usually
simple imitation. At about 15 to 18 months, the child may “drink” from an empty
cup or pretend to go to sleep. But once he is able to use symbols in his
thinking, the youngster may pretend there is a cup when none exists or pretend
to lay a doll down to sleep.
Between two and three years old, your
child will begin to build make believe games around real experiences such as
shopping trips and television conversations. At this age, children are
exploring their sexual identities. If you see your child alternate between male
and female roles, do not be alarmed. Many children experiment in this way to
learn what sex differences mean. Beyond the age of three, the child begins to
identify more strongly with the parent of the same sex and most often emulated
that role.
By the age of five or six, the child
is more interested in people outside the home, and you will see the role
playing become more realistic and complex. Now a number of characters may take
part in the same story. Police, fireman, ambulance drivers and helicopters pilots
may all be called in to help in an imagined disaster.
Pretend play will often focus on your
child’s awareness of his place in the world. Children have little control over
their lives, yet their desire for control is great. By playing superhero,
monster or wizard, your child creates a scene where he is the master. By acting
the part of a school crossing guard, the child gets to tell Mom and Dad when to
stop. Children crave such reversals.
Youngsters also pretend play to help
them understand troubling experiences. When a new sibling arrives, for example,
watch your older child’s play for clues about feelings. She may express anger
and jealously by scolding or spanking a doll – or by throwing it across the
room. The child probably knows that she could never treat the baby that way. But
acting out a fantasy like this releases built-up tension and lets a child find
out how it feels to give way to emotions. It is probably best not to interfere
at such a moment. But afterward, ask the child to talk about what is bothering
her, and sympathetically explain the reality of the situation if it is
something – like a new baby – that cannot be changed.
Unpleasant memories and fears can
sometimes be mastered through fantasy. Children who are frightened by animals
or who develop a fear of doctors sometimes switch roles and pretend to be
object of their fears. By assuming an active role in the drama and replaying
real or imaginary scenes, the child takes control of the situation. You can
encourage such play by providing the props – puppets, dolls, a toy doctor’s kit
or some fanciful clothes to dress up in.