Sunday, May 16, 2010

The child with in every parent II

Some times these parental legacies can be a boon. Your ancestors, after all, did know a thing or two about bringing up children, and perhaps some of the things you do right as a parent are in your repertoire because your mother and father did them right when dealing with you, But occasionally the hang-over from the past cause problems. When a father is too critical and demanding, for example, it may well be that his own father was overly critical of him when he was a child. Parents may even recognize a problem and its source, and nonetheless have difficulty getting it under control. One mother who knew she was mistreating her daughter pleaded with her doctor of help: I am hitting her and yelling at her- the same way my mother did.”

In cases like this, when the problem is serious and not apt to go away on its own, owe it to themselves and their children to seek family linked traits are often able to deal with the issue directly through or demonstrating some other kind of erratic behavior, stop and ask relevant memory surfaces. It may even be worthwhile to make notes about what you recall of your own upbringing and the relationship you had with your parents.
Where they too stern? Too indulgent? Where they generally cheerful? Were you? Talking your concern over with your spouse or a friend who knows you well is another way of bringing some light to the problem. Your purpose in this exercise is not to fix blame of to find excuses for any faults you may perceive in yourself. It is to become aware of how your past affects the way you behave toward your own children, so that you can better control that behavior.