Decision making

             Making her own decisions is another way in which your child asserts her independence. Sometimes she finds it easy to do, and once she makes up her mind, she stands firm. She wants to wear her mittens on a warm summer day, despite all your arguments as to why she should not. By all means, let her. Unless she has freedom to make wrong decisions- short of those that are dangerous or that are obnoxious to others- she will never learn how to make decisions at all.

            At other times you will observe that decision making, particularly for the toddler, becomes upsetting, even painful, because many of her own feelings are still a mystery to her. Perhaps you give her choice of going to the post office with you or staying at home with the other parent. As soon as you offer these alternatives, your child becomes confused and tense. With her short memory and few similar experiences to draw upon, she does not know which choice she would enjoy more, and having to decide torments her. Children are much more comfortable with questions such as “which candy do you want to eat first?”  Since they know that they will soon get to eat both.