Surrounding that stimulate

The physical environment you create for your infant is another tool in building his sense of self esteem. Expose your child early to a variety of sights and sounds, including him as an observer in family events even though he is too young to participate. Provide him with age appropriate play things, either homemade or store bought, that he can investigate through touch, taste smell and sound. Choose toys that challenge him but that he can master with a little persistence.

 When the baby is ready to crawl, give him a reasonable amount of freedom to explore physical space. If necessary, child proof one or more rooms where he can express his natural curiosity without your having  to rein him in constantly. For those occasions when you must be out of sight for a few minutes, the indoor playpen and the back yard corral may be necessary. They are, however, no substitute for the rich experiences of footloose exploration.

A sense of mastery

If bonds of unconditional love are essential to emotional security, so too is a responsive environment- one that will allow the child to explore and learn, to try and succeed, and, in the process, to develop a sense of personal competence. Once again, the evidence suggests that experiences even in the early months of life can play a critical role in determining which youngsters will grow into expressive, self assured, curious preschoolers and which ones will become timid, overcautious, and easily discouraged.

 Experiencing the world favorably, as a place where one can express a need and get action in return, begins with something as basic as what happens when a baby feels hungry and begins to cry. The infant whose parent responds readily not only finds herself comforted with satisfying nourishment, but she also  learns an important lesson; She has feelings that matter to others and can exercise some control over her circumstances. At the other extreme, the child who is left to cry and cry- perhaps because his parents fears that feeding him outside his normal un important and that he cannot change his situation. Such a lesson can become a self fulfilling prophecy, inclining the child as he grows older to passivity and reluctance to take responsibility for his behavior.

Baby’s first impressions

Child psychologists are convinced that baby stars forming attitudes about herself while still in the cradle, in the process of forging bonds of love and trust with the person who cares for her. One mother, for example, may consistently convey positive estimates of her daughter’s value- even in so mundane a situation as changing a diaper. As she makes the diaper switch, the mother gazes into her baby’s eyes, smiling and chatting steadily, though she knows the child is still months away from understanding what the words mean. At the end of baby’s legs in the air and touching her toes together until she giggles. During this brief but potent exchange, the mother is saying to her child,” I love you unconditionally, you make me feel happy. Everything about you is fine with me.”

Another mother, who cares no less about her child, goes about the same task in a more hurried, detached manner, viewing it as just an onerous job. There is tightness in her muscles that the baby can feel as she washes and changes him, keeping her eye on a television show all the while. No sooner has she made the bay dry again than she sets him in an infant seat and turns away to clean up – with wrinkled nose and pursed lips that he will someday recognize as an expression of disapproval. Though this mother would not consciously send negative messages to her son, her actions translate something like this;”Changing you is a demeaning, smelly job. I love you, but only conditionally. There are things about you and your body that I resent. “Her attitude inevitably colors the bay’s developing feelings about himself.

Building self Esteem

Most experts agree that a person’s self esteem – the measure of how he feels about himself- is the cornerstone of personal adjustment throughout life. A child begins early to seek answers to the fundamental questions “Am I lovable?” and “Am I worthwhile?” If the responses he receives from the people around him suggest that he is loved, wanted and capable, the chances are good that he will develop the same positive attitudes toward himself.

  This sense of his own worth will find quiet expression in all aspects of his behavior. A child armed with high self esteem will approach other people with trust, and view the world as a safe place where, most of the time his emotional and physical needs will be satisfied.  Like the “Little Engine that Could.” He will face challenges with optimism, propelled by self confidence to succeed as a winner in school, among his peers, and eventually in the countless contests of adult life. His opposite ,on the other hand- the youngster who has been told in a thousand subtle ways that he is not always loved, not entirely wanted, not clever enough to succeed on his own- will likelihood to be driven to take the low , slow road, risking little and gaining still less.

Not surprisingly, the child receives his first notions about his self worth from his parents: They are his chief link to the external world throughout his early years, the mirrors in which he sees himself and his efforts reflected. A caring mother and father should examine the ways they handle their child and make sure their manner communicates positive messages and images- reflections that will enhance rather than undermine the child’s sense of possibilities. It also important for parents to broadcast positive messages about their own self worth; a child learns best by example, and is far more likely to develop high self esteem if he has grown up models to follow.

When parents overdo it

Probably the most important lesson for a parent to learn is the principle of moderation. Everything that good parents naturally do for their children can easily be overdone. A good father, for example, certainly protects his child from danger; but if he is overzealous in doing so, she will never learn to protect herself from danger.  A good mother wants to teach her child new skills, but there is a very fine line between teaching and interfering in a way that actually prevents the child from learning. Of course there will be times when you must override your youngster’s wishes. There are good reasons, for instance, for not letting her experiment with poking wires into electrical outlets. On the other hand if she is making mud pies or building a tower with blocks and she lets you know that she can do it perfectly well without your assistance that is a good time for you to practice being a non intrusive parent.

No one can set forth a pat formula that tells you how much guidance you should give your child in any particular case. But children are usually not shy about rejecting unwanted help, and yours will no doubt let you know when you have strayed over the line that separates “just enough” from “too much.”  In this matter, as in so many areas of parenting, you can learn a good deal about your effectiveness by simply watching and listening to your child.

Balancing needs

It is a common error of parents to think that they must sacrifice all their own needs and desire to satisfy those of their children. Although, at the very beginning of parenthood, there is no getting around the fact that having a new baby creates biological and psychological demands that take precedence over previous commitments to yourself, it soon becomes apparent that your continued sanity depends on giving yourself a proficiency as a parent is improved by a reasonable amount of self indulgence. The frantic, frazzled mother simply is not as effective as one who sets aside a portion of time and attention for her own use.

  There are some tricks for accomplishing this goal, despite the never ending demands of motherhood. Some mothers use nursing time for benefits both mother and baby. Some mothers, for instance, discover that as long as they are down on the rug at their baby’s level, he is content to let them read or sew while he crawls around exploring the room. The most obvious relief for the mother in a two parent family is the father, who is not only capable of doing his share, but is actually depriving himself of many parenting pleasures if he does not.

Meeting of personalities

Just every child is born with a personality all his own; each parent has a distinct personality that shapes her needs and preferences, her moods and reactions to every events. And it is just as important that you be aware, of your own temperament as it is for you to be aware of your child’s, since the two will be existing in an intimate partnership. If your behavior modes happen to mesh easily, then you can enjoy each other’s company without any particular effort on anybody’s part.

But if your personalities are the sort of opposites that do not exactly attract- your baby skittish and cautious by nature, for example, and you a lively individual who loves a good romp- then one of you will have to make some adjustments. Needless to say, that person is you. If you find that your stimulating manner seems to make your infant tense, it may be that quieter play and gentler handling is required

  Keep in mind, however, that your child’s personality can change with time. Do not make the mistake of assuming that you can never try enlivening his existence with your natural verve. Studies indicate, in fact, that children influence the way they are treated by their parents to a much greater extent than is commonly realized. Johnny appears to need a lot of protection. So his mother hovers over him extensively- even though her natural inclination might be to give him more freedom and even though, after a while, he may very well crave that freedom.

  Also bear in mind that you and your child may be so much alike that you need to make deliberate efforts to bring some balance into the picture. If you are both exceedingly placid, for instance, you and the baby might settle into a quiet mutually in stimulating pattern of existence un less you make a point of drawing him out.